Saturday, September 22, 2012

Do I have to come clean?

**(This will be the only really long blog. I guess, that to understand my story, I need more than a few paragraphs)**

So, do I really have to come clean to start this blog???

The answer is: YES.

"Professionals" say the first step is to admit the truth. How else could I earn your trust or help others? Well, here it is....

My name is Larissa and I am fat and sick! (here is where you all say: "Hi Larissa").
I have been hiding behind my Facebook page for years (you can  post a picture from 1997 and not many will know).  But, I have decided that in order to get healthy outside, I need to start from the inside.. and get the ugly truth out there and put my mask away.

Let's talk about "FAT" first-

I have never been the skinny type. I've always had a big butt, big hips and big boobies... there, I said it! Where I come from all those curves are attractive.

While in high school and college my weigh fluctuated between 160-180 and I had my share of admirers, LOL.   But, after a horrific heart break and depression I let my self go. When I say I let my self go, I mean I let myself go eat whatever the heck I wanted!!! Food was my friend, food understood what I needed, food "never hurt me".

I will never forget the day I moved to Ft. Lauderdale and my mother picked me up at the airport. I was wearing khaki pants, beige shirt, my hair was tricolor and a huge ass! When I met my mother face to face she had tears in her eyes.  I guess she didn't agree with my 210lbs. I never realized I was big, I was blinded by fried chicken!

Those who know my mom know she was not going to allow this self destructive behavior. Immediately, she helped me get back in shape (credit to my stepfather who helped as well) and I got back to a healthy 169... I looked good!!!!

Another heartbreak, bad friends, living on my own, working and going to school and too many Wendy's and Papi's NY Pizza started to show again.

I met Ray, my VERY supportive husband, in 2004 at 180lbs. That year was the beginning of "the end"... Between 2004-2010 I gained.... wait for it...... 100lbs!!!!  In 2010, having no babies and a unhappy husband, I decided to get my butt in gear. I lost 60lbs in 5 months!!!

 I finally got to visit my mom after a few months and when she saw me I saw how proud she was. I was still "gordita" but looking good. I always look up to her approval and her eyes told me she approved ...  Then she said, " Cuidado que ahora no te pren~es" "Careful you don't get pregnant now"!!, Little did I know, Rey David was already on his way!!!

May 6, 2011 - The day RD was born I had tipped the scale - 290lbs!!!  I am 5'2. Can you imagine? Almost 300lbs in a 5'2 frame????

December 2011 - 275lbs- Considering gastric bypass.

February 2011 - 273lbs - "I've got to start somewhere".

May 6, 2012 - 257lbs - (RD's 1st birthday) Intervention Day - My stepfather, mother and husband decided enough was enough! They sat me down and told me I was never going to enjoy my son being as unhealthy as I was. I guess the key sentence was - You are killing yourself. You are going to die. Ray will eventually re-marry and Rey David will have another mom. - I got it. I joined weight watchers that following Monday.

Where am I now?

I am now weighing 213lbs. No more high blood pressure, no more high blood sugar, no more high cholesterol. Yes, I still have a long way to go. This is why I would like you all to be a part of this journey and of that next chapter of my life. The "healthy part" of my life. That moment when I get to say i did it!

Now, let's talk about "medical stuff"-

Some people battle with weight all their lives. I got a double whammy, and I not only battle with weight but also with my health.

I was diagnosed with Perthes Disease and Avascular Necrosis on both hips when I was 14 years old.  Got very little treatment back then. Now at 33, things have become REALLY complicated and I am fighting my way through the health system to find SOMEONE who is willing to perform the bilateral total hip replacement I need to enjoy a pain free life.   I have been told I will never run again. I have been told I will need at least 6 more surgeries in my lifetime.... blah blah blah, I don't like to believe any of it.  What I do believe is that GOD will take me through it all!

My insurance company and the "beep" HMO are making my life very difficult. The more I wait, the more pain, the more time I don't get to carry my son, and the more time it will take me to loose all the weight (I can't exercise much).

So this is it!!! This is my battle... this is MY road to a healthier ME and I want all of you to be a part of it. I would like you all to spread the word, share this blog, and comment whenever you feel like it. I don't know how my story, my reality and my process can help you or anyone else out there.... but if at least it helps one person know they are not alone, that is enough for me.

I am not a writer. I am not an intellectual. I am a person pouring my heart out to anyone who cares. I'll have my positive days. I'll have my meltdowns. I will be as real as this pain that runs through me is ...
One thing I can guarantee all of you  is:  I WILL CARRY, PLAY AND RUN WITH MY SON!

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