(** Disclaimer- In no way do I intend to change your religious views with this blog. My faith is just part of me and to be entirely honest and to make you a part of my journey I must share some of my believes with you**).
I believe in the healing power of God. I believe prayers are answered and I believe I am stronger because of Him.
Those who know me, know that I have been living in constant, sometimes agonizing, pain for a while. I have to take meds to survive my day and especially my nights. I limp and running or jumping it's just impossible for me. People ask me if I exercise. Yes, as much as I can. I go for long walks with my husband 3 times a week. I do upper body with my 5 lbs weights at home and I do abs. When we go for those walks I push myself to such limit, I can barely get out of the car when we get home, going up the stairs in my house is a nightmare, I am usually unable to sleep and I am complaining all day the next day. Yes, that's my life and yet I have been able to loose all those -65 lbs (isn't that a bit miraculous?).
As you've read on my blog, I can't carry my son for more than a minute, let alone run or do much with him. I love to dance, but haven't been able for a long time (I may be able to dance on the same spot but not go crazy and shaking my tail feathers, as I like too).
Yesterday, I decided I was NOT going to take my meds. (Shhhh, don't tell my husband!!) I wanted to have FAITH... I wanted to believe He has listened to all my prayers and all your prayers. I wanted to know if through my faith I can feel better! Maybe not a 100%.. believe me I'll even take 30% less of the pain!
As you read on the blog and Facebook page I had gone out to Old Navy to buy my first size 18 jeans few days ago. Well, I had to go back yesterday to exchange them for a size 16!!!! (You need to know this before you continue reading. I have not shopped in a regular store in YEARS. I have bought everything online. Why? fear to be seen, not being able to stand for a long time, and I the anxiety of not finding my size). So, as I am browsing for the jeans and some blouses I noticed I was able to bend down without any pain (don't ask me why the bigger sizes are always at the bottom of the shelves!!!). I said to myself "Hmm, can I do more than this?), As soon as I got home my son (who is amazingly attached to mommy) wanted to play! Usually our playtime consists of me putting music and telling him "baila" (dance) and I sit down holding his hands as he dances. I usually crawl on the floor and make funny noises. That's about it!
Well, yesterday I just had enough!! I put some Salsa music on, grabbed his hands and said "baila con mama". His face lit up!!!! He started dancing and went CRAZY!!! Then I started chasing him around the living room, tackled him, kissed and hugged him every time we bumped against each other. I danced with him in my arms, I rolled around the entire living room floor with him and he laughed SO MUCH!!!! My husband was sitting on the floor staring at us with a huge smile on his face. I just wish you could have seen his expression. He was AMAZED! Mommy and RD were playing and sweating!!! Our baby boy was so happy. I couldn't believe it myself.
If I showed you what my X-rays look like, how deformed my hips are and how badly damaged my lower back is, you wouldn't believe I was able to do all that last night.
I bet your next question is: Were you able to sleep last night? The answer is: I slept like a baby :)
If you ask, How are you feeling today? I feel a bit of pinching and pressure on my left hip, yet is not even 1/4 of the pain I usually have.
Was this a free pass for one day? I don't know. What I can tell you is this: I am not taking my meds today either. I believe God's power is greater that any medication out there. I am not saying that if I need them tomorrow I won't take them, of course I will. But I also need to give the Big Man the space to show me His greatness.
As I told you in the first blog. I will have my good days and I will have my bad days. I will share my entire journey with you in the hopes that something I write may be helpful to you. By no means do I think I am perfect! Actually, I will tell you a little secret. As much as I like to share my new pictures and get compliments, I find myself being overly critical about my looks than ever. Another secret: I had some harsh days this week. I sometimes feel that this metamorphosis is happening too fast and I see a new person every day in the mirror and I freak out. I lashed against those who love me because, for some very weird reason, I feel out of control and I apologize immensely for such behavior.
So you see. It is not all peaches and cream! This decision is one of the toughest one I've made in my life. Trying to lose 100 lbs and keeping sane through pain, not being able to exercise properly, motherhood, upcoming surgeries, doctors that won't help, a body that keeps changing every time I see it on the mirror, not having friends or my family near me, has NOT been easy. But it is certainly possible!! I keep telling myself this every single day (and twice on Sundays, LOL ). I hope that it helps you as much as it has helped me:
"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"