Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Size, does it really matter?

When one is loosing weight it is all about numbers (especially if you are a girl). We are on top of body measurements, weight, bra size, pants size, shirt size. Knowing all this makes us feel in control of what we are doing.

I personally celebrate every time I shed a pound, every time I feel my clothes loose and especially every time I drop a pant size. That is a huge milestone for me! That's why about a week ago I posted on my Facebook account I am no longer a "plus size girl". Well, to be honest, I can still shop at plus size stores, but my size 18 is also available at "normal people" clothing stores.  I was thrilled knowing I went from a very tight size 24 pants to an 18 and from 3X shirts to now XL. I was overjoyed and wanted to share this with anyone who was willing to celebrate with me.

This same week I went in for one of my doctor's appointments. The nurse that took my vitals noticed that I was all excited about getting weighed. I asked her what was my weight the last time I was there (exactly a month before) and she gave me my numbers. I had lost 10lbs in exactly a month... I started to do my happy dance, then she asked: "are you dieting? Is that why you are so happy? and of course I told her my story from A to Z (she asked, LOL).

..... Now, allow me to do a parenthesis here. (The nurse was big. I would say she might have been heavier and bigger than me before I even started to diet at almost 280lbs. Same body type as mine. Not that there is anything wrong with that, as you know I have been big for a while).  But, what she said next, BLEW MY MIND!!!  This is how it all went down:

Nurse: Are you exercising?
Me: I go for walks and do upper body exercises. I can't really exercise much to due my condition (which I had to explain to her in detail).
Nurse: Have you considered Zumba? I started my Zumba class a month ago and I went from a size 20 to a size 16!!
Me: (absolute silence and probably my jaw dropped wide open).
Nurse: Don't worry honey, you'll make it too!!

(LOL!!!!) Ok, I felt I was in the twilight zone! First, I thought "Is it physically possible to go from a size 20 to a size 16 by only doing Zumba in only a month?". Second, I really didn't think that she could be that size. I mean, a skinny girl might not know how big is a size 16,18,20,24, but ME, Oh!! I know!!! ....And third, I thought: is not bad enough that "bigger people" are patronized by society but we are now Fat vs. Fatter????

She took me to the examining room and I sat there thinking about all this..... Why was I so offended by this? Why did I feel like I had to compete? Why did I feel like opening the door, go interrupt her if she was with another patient and telling her I was finally an 18!!!!!!? Then, I found myself making fun of her in my head and I felt so bad!! Why was my reaction towards her so NEGATIVE? (most of you know I am a Christian. This is so not the way I should be reacting)...  So, I kept quiet and took it all in. I have been doing overtime in my head thinking and thinking about this. Some one taught me the other day: Evaluate not only Why things happen but think What is the purpose behind it  ...

As I sit here this morning thinking about this girl I can tell you this: I Wish I Was Like Her!!!
Yes, you read right. I wish I could see myself the same way the nurse sees herself. BEAUTIFUL. Better than what she probably is to others. Not as a big person, size twenty-whatever, trying to get skinny. But to have the self confidence to say positive and uplifting words about my own self.  She gave me a life lesson.

So, I pass this onto you all:  Don't wait until people give you the compliment you think you deserve. Tell yourself every day how amazing YOU KNOW YOU ARE.

1 comment:

  1. Lari this blog is great! Size really doesn't matter and I've realized that in WW. You might think someone is skinny but in their mind, in their body they are not and they want to get better or the other way around, you might think someone is big but in their mind and in their body they've lost weight and they feel great! I've struggled with weight too, yo-yo all the way. Still struggle everyday. Thanks for sharing your story! Pa' lante!!!!!