Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Size, does it really matter?
When one is loosing weight it is all about numbers (especially if you are a girl). We are on top of body measurements, weight, bra size, pants size, shirt size. Knowing all this makes us feel in control of what we are doing.
I personally celebrate every time I shed a pound, every time I feel my clothes loose and especially every time I drop a pant size. That is a huge milestone for me! That's why about a week ago I posted on my Facebook account I am no longer a "plus size girl". Well, to be honest, I can still shop at plus size stores, but my size 18 is also available at "normal people" clothing stores. I was thrilled knowing I went from a very tight size 24 pants to an 18 and from 3X shirts to now XL. I was overjoyed and wanted to share this with anyone who was willing to celebrate with me.
This same week I went in for one of my doctor's appointments. The nurse that took my vitals noticed that I was all excited about getting weighed. I asked her what was my weight the last time I was there (exactly a month before) and she gave me my numbers. I had lost 10lbs in exactly a month... I started to do my happy dance, then she asked: "are you dieting? Is that why you are so happy? and of course I told her my story from A to Z (she asked, LOL).
..... Now, allow me to do a parenthesis here. (The nurse was big. I would say she might have been heavier and bigger than me before I even started to diet at almost 280lbs. Same body type as mine. Not that there is anything wrong with that, as you know I have been big for a while). But, what she said next, BLEW MY MIND!!! This is how it all went down:
Nurse: Are you exercising?
Me: I go for walks and do upper body exercises. I can't really exercise much to due my condition (which I had to explain to her in detail).
Nurse: Have you considered Zumba? I started my Zumba class a month ago and I went from a size 20 to a size 16!!
Me: (absolute silence and probably my jaw dropped wide open).
Nurse: Don't worry honey, you'll make it too!!
(LOL!!!!) Ok, I felt I was in the twilight zone! First, I thought "Is it physically possible to go from a size 20 to a size 16 by only doing Zumba in only a month?". Second, I really didn't think that she could be that size. I mean, a skinny girl might not know how big is a size 16,18,20,24, but ME, Oh!! I know!!! ....And third, I thought: is not bad enough that "bigger people" are patronized by society but we are now Fat vs. Fatter????
She took me to the examining room and I sat there thinking about all this..... Why was I so offended by this? Why did I feel like I had to compete? Why did I feel like opening the door, go interrupt her if she was with another patient and telling her I was finally an 18!!!!!!? Then, I found myself making fun of her in my head and I felt so bad!! Why was my reaction towards her so NEGATIVE? (most of you know I am a Christian. This is so not the way I should be reacting)... So, I kept quiet and took it all in. I have been doing overtime in my head thinking and thinking about this. Some one taught me the other day: Evaluate not only Why things happen but think What is the purpose behind it ...
As I sit here this morning thinking about this girl I can tell you this: I Wish I Was Like Her!!!
Yes, you read right. I wish I could see myself the same way the nurse sees herself. BEAUTIFUL. Better than what she probably is to others. Not as a big person, size twenty-whatever, trying to get skinny. But to have the self confidence to say positive and uplifting words about my own self. She gave me a life lesson.
So, I pass this onto you all: Don't wait until people give you the compliment you think you deserve. Tell yourself every day how amazing YOU KNOW YOU ARE.